Monday, July 30, 2018

Musset's Roses

An In-class Self-questioning…
"La vie est une rose dont chaque pétale est une illusion et chaque épine une réalité." By Alfred de Musset
So, it all began like this:
The teacher is saying something I don’t understand, again. For a Chinese high school student who often can’t get much sleep, what the teacher is saying sounds like total gibberish. Aside from the fact that this is normal and wrong:), I am distracted by a bee that is humming at every corner of the classroom. This is the whole set-up.
Next, you all know how it goes: As you can imagine behind the screen, the teacher noticed that I wasn’t paying attention and immediately asked me to answer the question. I didn’t even know the question! So the teacher repeated, “ what is your dream?” Before I could answer, a friend of mine(?) replied, “he wants to be a princess!”
Everyone laughed and I felt humiliated at that moment. But none of those were important. Aside from the humiliation and everyone’s laughter, I was silently thinking the teacher’s question.
I came to the conclusion a day after the incident that I have NO dream.
No dream! How absurd! Everyone has a dream, even a dog has a dream. At first, I felt the same way. But after a while, I realized that “no dream” is like a wake up call. It struck me with power that made me to think of a reason why I don’t have a dream.
I think too much. I want too much.
This is the reason. Simple.
I am interested in everything from quantum physics to art, from international relationship to philosophy, to history, to astronomy, to politics. I want to be rich, to be happy, to have someone to lean on, to come out, to be famous, to not be scared, to tell stories to strangers…
So how can I answer the teacher’s question when there’s so much I want to achieve?
But how is “no dream” a wake up call? Because it tells me that actually no one, not even myself, can and should be forcing me to have a specific dream.
Who told you that you can only have ONE dream instead you actually can have a DOZEN. You can be a quantum physicist and also a professional video game player or who knows, if you want, you can even be a porn star (Ouch, mom!). All at the same time.
It is a wake up call because it tells me that my future is not limited. It contains all kinds of possibilities. So, I am aimless. It actually sounds negative, right? So what?
Back to the title “Musset’s Roses”, what does it have to do with all this?
According to Musset, every petal is a dream, every thorn is a reality. And I don’t want to be the rose with just one petal, I want to be the perfect rose that everyone wish to be.(not possible:))
OK, that’s all. Night.
22:30
5 Feb 2018
China

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